Oscar Recap: Because It’s the Only Good Thing That Happens in February

25 Feb

Once again, we almost forgot about the blog, but then two not-so-momentous things brought us back into the blogosphere. First, we got an email alerting us that our domain would expire 90 days from now. Second, the Oscars, aka the best mother effing night of the year, happened. So it only made sense that we draft a blog post filled with our unfiltered, raw musings re: the Oscars:

First and foremost, men should wear suits all the time. Black tie, bowtie, black shirt, white shirt, velvet blazer (Samuel L. Jackson, I’m looking at you)—anything of the suit variety will do.

Seth MacFarlane is so cute and funny and funny and cute and be my boyfriend already, will ya? We’re willing to condone his semi-racist and sexist jokes because he has the (deep) voice of an angel.

We were a little confused about the musical theme, but we’re not complaining because we’re firmly of the conviction that musicals make the world a happier place. Jennifer Hudson killed it but we couldn’t help but notice that Catherine Zeta-Jones isn’t as limber as she was once. We can’t decide which made us pee our pants more—Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Harry Potter’s dance number, or the cast of Les Miserables singing One Day More.

A win for Argo is a win for everyone if Ben Affleck and George Clooney are on the stage at the same time. Too much man candy, mmhhmm. Argo’s win really captured the ups and downs of Ben and Jen’s relationship: our hearts initially melted when they kissed, but we felt some second-hand embarrassment when he thanked her by announcing that even though marriage is work, he wouldn’t want to be working with anyone else. Uh. All was redeemed though when he ended his speech with a shout-out to Violet, Seraphina, and Sam. Cannot wait for the latest installment of paparazzi pics of him taking those munchkins to school.

Ben_Affleck_and_George_Clooney

Ang Lee is the cutest lil’ guy ever. You know how married couples begin to look alike as they age? See Ang Lee and his wife.

We were semi-disturbed by Michelle Obama’s presentation of Best Picture. Not only did it remind us of Big Brother (like 1984 Big Brother, not the reality show), but the last thing we needed to see at the Oscars was another woman with great arms wearing a sequined dress.

Silver Fox of the Hour award goes to Richard Gere. After careful consideration, we’ve concluded that the term Silver Fox must’ve been coined in honor of Richard Gere. Wow. He does great things for older men with wire-rimmed glasses.

Topics Open for Debate:
– non-Oscar related, but do you PROFESS or CONFESS your love to someone? Get back to us ASAP, we have feelings that are waiting to be expressed. Just kidding, we don’t, but we’re looking for some shits n’ giggles up here in Central New York, and nothing is more fun than making guys feel uncomfortable.

Topics Closed to Debate:
– George Clooney’s sexuality.
– Anne Hathaway’s general suckiness. Two (of many) reasons why we don’t like her: She says things like, “dreams really do come true!” And her husband looks like a less attractive version of Ryan Gosling. YGG, not!

Elaheh went to bed last night lamenting that she wasn’t at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, but Alyssa was quick to point out that she wouldn’t have known anyone had she been there. All FOMO-related feelings subsided immediately after following Vanity Fair on Instagram.

ONE MORE THOUGHT: This one is offensive, but…it’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (nedaw!) at Hamilton, AND there’s a stomach virus going around–which could lead to an amazingly ironic combination BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS that the stomach flu is the best way to inadvertently drop a few pounds. #amirite?

On that note, does anyone want to be our pledge?

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